am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Barsexuality is the new black.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
