My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize