What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
