Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
