I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
