So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
