you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
