a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I AM VODKA MAN
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
