Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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