3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
