I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
