Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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