it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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