They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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