I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
