also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
