Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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