He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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