I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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