i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
