I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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