the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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