The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
