Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
