The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Even my vagina gasped.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
