If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
