The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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