Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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