At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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