see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
