So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
