I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i have two assholes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
