omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
