a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
