Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
