i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
