i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
