Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
