you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
