fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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