Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
