I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
