halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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