I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize