i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
