I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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