My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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