I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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