i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
