yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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