ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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