In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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