He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
