i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
