Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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