don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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