He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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