Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am mentally ready for anal.
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