8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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