erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
