so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
