how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
