Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
